Not drowning…but not quite waving.

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

“Not Waving but Drowning” by Stevie Smith. (1957.)

I could say the lack of updates are because of other other projects but I’d be lying.
I could say it’s because there’s nothing to write about but with nine different kinds of holy hell going on, that would be a lie posing as a sick joke.
There’s a reason that updates haven’t been forthcoming and it’s this.
I haven’t felt like writing.
It’s that simple…and not that simple.

Anyone who’s followed this blog regulary knows that I’ve had periods of inactivity. But I’ve always managed to pull my shit together and get back on the grind.
But this year,  that just hasn’t been happening.
And when I say I haven’t felt like writing, I don’t mean I haven’t tried.
I mean that when I sit down and try to write…I can’t.
It’s not just that nothing has been coming. It’s more like when I try, my brain calcifies and nothing moves.
And I’ve been dealing with this for the past month.  And it’s beginning to feel like it’s not going to pass.  It’s like when you get the flu and it feels like you’ve always been sick and you will always be sick.
Except there’s no vomiting.
But at this point vomiting would be welcome because at least there would be some sort of cathartic purge that would signal an end to this.
(And to everyone saying “Well, you’re writing this so you must be getting better”, this post has been sitting in my draft box for about a week.)

This is starting to scare me.
Whatever else has gone wrong in my life, I have always had writing to fall back on.
If I lose this, I don’t know what I have left.

I can’t tell you when this will pass.  I can only tell you that I want it to pass.
Please be patient with me.
Hopefully, I am not drowning.

About theragingcelt

Actor/Writer/Homegrown Pundit/Cranky Progressive/Sometimes Filmmaker.
This entry was posted in Lame Bloging, Personal Stuff, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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