Dear Mr. Speaker:
If you are reading this, (Assuming that one of your staffers caught this in the mention column of your office’s Tweet Deck or what ever you use to monitor your feed.) I’m going to assume that you are at your desk. An open bottle of Scotch on your right, looking back on the Grand Pageant that is your life and asking yourself how in the name of all that’s holy did I get into this mess?
The mess of which I refer to is the upcoming debt limit battle.
In meetings with Democratic and Republican Congressional leaders on Thursday after a session with Treasury Secretary Jacob J. Lew on Wednesday, Mr. Boehner sought a resumption of negotiations that could keep the government running and yield a deficit-reduction deal that would persuade recalcitrant conservatives to raise the government’s borrowing limit. Much of the federal government will shut down as of Oct. 1 unless Congress approves new spending bills to replace expiring ones, and by mid-October, the Treasury Department will lose the borrowing authority to finance the government and pay its debts. “It’s time for the president’s party to show the courage to work with us to solve this problem,” said Mr. Boehner, who argued that budget deals have been part of past agreements to raise the debt limit.
Well, today you got your answer.
President Barack Obama said on Monday he would not negotiate with Congress over whether to raise the U.S. debt ceiling and chided Republicans for threatening to bring the government to a halt in an effort to repeal his signature healthcare reform law.
The White House is gearing up for difficult budget talks with lawmakers, but it has said consistently that the president would not negotiate over the debt limit, which must be raised so Washington can pay its bills.
“I will not negotiate over whether or not America keeps its word and meets its obligations. I will not negotiate over the full faith and credit of the United States,” Obama said at the White House.
“This country has worked too hard for too long to dig out of a crisis just to see their elected representatives here in Washington purposely cause another crisis,” he said.
Translation: I have my second term. I’ve already had to eat shit this week on Syria and Larry Summers and it’s time to roll the hate downhill!
Bottom line. If the collection of nihilistic jaggoffs you call The Tea Party caucus don’t play ball and you refuse to cut a deal with the House Democrats, the economy tanks and you will go down in history as the guy who helped sink it.
And frankly, history was already giving you the hairy eyeball as it is.
So the question you find yourself asking as you pour yourself another glass of malt flavored forgetfulness is how do you get out of this mess. You could resign as Speaker but that wouldn’t help. They’d replace you with someone even worse and they’d still vote to punch the economy in the nuts. You started this crazy train and it’s your responsibility to derail it.
The good news is I know you can do it.
Let me make this clear. I’m not suggesting this to help you. Frankly, I think you’re a lousy person and you deserve whatever you get. But I have no desire to see the country go though another downturn. The last one almost killed us and another could finish the job and turn us into a “Boy and his Dog” style hellscape. And honestly, I have no desire to spend my twilight years as a battered fuck toy for a roverpack.
Honestly, you may not be able to pull this off. But it’s worth a shot.
Right now, the House stands at 234 Republicans and 201 Democrats. That means for this plan to work, you would have to convince 35 GOP House members to join you.
And that plan?
Call a press conference and announce that effective immediately, you and the collection of members you’ve managed to cobble together have decided to resign from the GOP and join the Democrats.
(Or if that’s too much, you can register as Independents and caucus with the Dems. Same difference.)
This will have the immediate effect of handing the House back to the Dems who will most certainly pass a clean debt limit bill and save the country from economic disaster.
It will also have the other immediate affect of putting Nancy Pelosi back in the Speakers’s chair thus reliving you of a responsibility that you had neither the talent or temperament for.
And yes, while the will benefit the Democrats in the short term, this could also have the effect of helping the GOP in the long term. This act of mass insurrection could be just the kick in the ass your party needs to finally purge itself of the mean and the crazy and give the power back to the moderates.
If we are to have a two party system, it would be nice for both of those parties not be coo-coo for Cocoa-puffs.
And you might even come out all right. Yes, in the short term, you’d be called a Judas and probably forced from office. (Although, let’s be fair, you were heading in that direction anyway.)
But history may record this as the hour you stood up and saved your country from economic disaster and broke the fever of your party. Some might even call you a hero.
Which would be a major improvement over whatever they’re calling you now.
So, what’s it going to be, Mr. Speaker?
Will you do nothing and let the country whither and die?
Or will you stand up and save the country from the GOP and the GOP from itself?
The choice is yours.