Summer has not so much marched into Ashland as it has smashed in the door and planted its foot firmly on my neck and demanded a gallon of my sweat as tribute for my continued existence.
It has been a steady 88 degrees for the last week and according to the good people at weather.com, it intends to stay that way for the rest of this week.
Now granted, it’s not as bad as the half of the country now under drought conditions. Oregon had a wet enough winter so that we’re still able to function. Although, if things continue, the drought could set off a global food crisis that….
Excuse me for just a sec. I need to do something.
ARE YOU CONVINCED NOW YOU FUCKING LUDDITE JAGOFFS? CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL! YOU HEAR ME! ITS REAL!!!! YOU COCKSUCKERS OWE AL GORE AN APOLOGY RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!
Sorry…had to get that off my chest.
Anyway, so far, all I’ve had to deal with is just discomfort. Facebook buddy, Joel Watson (The most excellent mind behind the most excellent Internet Comic, HIJINKS ENSUE.) is currently running a fundraiser for a new Air Conditioner because his old one went the day of the Dodo. And since he lives in Texas where one hundred degree heat is the norm, not getting one is not an option.
In the mean time, I’m doing what all other single bachelors would do in my situation. I keep the windows open and the fans on. I drink plenty of ice water. And I do everything in the apartment nude.
Yeah, I’m not crazy about that last part either.
But with temperatures coming within spitting distance of triple digits, I have to face to sad fact that right now, fabric is not my friend. And anything that keeps air from my skin is going to make me feel like Jill Masterson in “Goldfinger” after the paint job.
As I tweeted a couple of days ago, “Climate Change has trumped body shame.”
So right now, I’m fighting to stay cool, all the while hoping that this time, humanity has gotten the fucking message and decides that maybe now is the time for a Manhattan Project to fix this mess.
Because seriously, if the prospect of a nude me isn’t enough to get us off the pot, we are screwed!