Dear GOP front runners…

Dear Sirs (And Michelle Bachmann.):

I have spent the last last several weeks watching your debates.  And when I have not watched them, I have had my twitter feed clogged with reactions to these debates that have run the gamut from darkly bemused to balls out terror.
And these reactions go far beyond your typical partisan “Oh, screw these guys. My guy is better.” No.  These reactions when when taken together tend to resemble that moment in the novels of H.P. Lovecraft when the protagonists find themselves facing some unspeakable horror. And when I say “Unspeakable horror”, I mean a monster with tentacles where their mouth should be.
That’s right, in this metaphor, you guys are Cthulhu!
And when I say Cthulhu, I mean “People who shouldn’t be allowed to run a Parks Department in Bumfuck, North Dakota.  Let alone given access to the Nuclear Football.”

HERMAN CAIN:
Setting aside for the moment, the alleged incidents of sexual harassment. There is the sad realization that you know fuck all about foreign policy.

Let me make this clear, we do not have time for this amateur night shit.  Yes, President Obama had little foreign policy experience when he started. And why I have some difference with some his choices, (Dealing with Israel and Palestine for example.) an argument could be made that this part of the job he seems to have down.
And how do you even begin to criticize him on Libya AND not even bring up the controversy about a possible circumvention of the War Powers act?  Agree or disagree, there is a legitmate debate to be had over that.  Instead you flailed like Larry the Cable Guy at open mike night at the Appolo.
And then you have the sheer unmitigated balls to turn around and say “We need a leader, not a reader”?
No, actually we need both.
We need a leader who can gather information and then process that information into coherent policy.  Being decisive isn’t enough.  A fat kid can decide with conviction “I’m gonna eat a pound of Snickers”.  He’s being decisive but now he’s going to need half his body weight in Insulin.
Oh, and by the way, It’s one Uzbeki, one Stan and the President’s name is Islam Karimov.  Wikipedia. Two minutes. You’re welcome!

NEWT GINGRICH:
Since you resigned from Congress in disgrace in1999, you have made your living mostly by running what Rachel Maddow has rightly referred to as “A series of short cons“. I’m sorry but if I wanted a grifter for President, I’d vote for Nate Ford. Yeah, he’s a drunk and fictional but at least he has a moral center.
And to make matters worse, your reputation in the GOP as an idea man is based on ideas that include breaking unions while encouraging child labor.

“You say to somebody, you shouldn’t go to work before you’re what, 14, 16 years of age, fine. You’re totally poor. You’re in a school that is failing with a teacher that is failing. I’ve tried for years to have a very simple model,” he said. “Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school. The kids would actually do work, they would have cash, they would have pride in the schools, they’d begin the process of rising.”

He added, “You go out and talk to people, as I do, you go out and talk to people who are really successful in one generation. They all started their first job between nine and 14 years of age. They all were either selling newspapers, going door to door, they were doing something, they were washing cars.”

Yeah, but those jobs were probably in the summer or on weekends or worked around school schedules. How would these kiddie janitors work?  Would they work for hours after school when they could be dong homework?  Or would they be working during the school hours when they could be learning about math and science?
By the way, The ghost of Charles Dickens called.  He wants you to stop plagerizing “Oliver Twist”.

RICK PERRY:
There is nothing more uninspiring than a having a President you know you can beat at Boggle.

MITT ROMNEY:

You want to know why you can’t crack 23% in polling?

HERE’S THE REASON!

It’s not just that you keep changing your positions often and with out any regard for recorded evidence of said filp flopping.  It’s that you do it and act like there is nothing wrong!!!!
Yes, I know that the radicalization of the Republican base may have forced you to renounce many of your positions that smacked of moderation.  Hell, the same thing happened to John McCain in 2008 when he ran against Obama.  But at least he had the decency to realize that it was strangling his soul.  Hell, by the end of the campaign, he was wound so tightly he looked like he could have ripped through a wall safe with his teeth.
You, on the other hand.  Every time I see you try to explain these things away, I want to hook you up to a Voight-Kampff machine and ask you to describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
Oh, and then there’s this…

The only up side is that odds are, you’ll be flip flopping on this too.

These are serious times and they call for serious people.
What we have here are a blowhard, a grifter, a mental deficient and a hollow man. None of whom I’d trust to handle a lemonade stand.
These are serious times and we need serious debates.  And yet none of you can rise above acting like comedy stereotypes that would embarrass a Commedia dell’arte player.
These are serious times.
And you people are the opposite of serious.

Advertisements

About theragingcelt

Actor/Writer/Homegrown Pundit/Cranky Progressive/Sometimes Filmmaker. talesofthegeeknation.com
This entry was posted in 2012 Election, Herman Cain, Mitt Romney, Newt Gengrich, Republicans shooting themseves in the foot, Rick Perry.. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dear GOP front runners…

  1. giatny says:

    Which is better Romney whose positions have evolved over time or Obama who holds opposing positions at the same time?
    With Romney there’s a 50% chance of success with Obama
    a 100% guarantee of failure and destruction of freedom.
    You were kinder than I would have been on the others.

  2. Pingback: Some very short takes on the Iowa Caucus. « News from the Front

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s