(WARNING: This next post contains graphic descriptions of sexual practices, some foul language and at least one joke involving the word “titmouse”.)
Wow…Just Wow! (H/T to Raw Story.)
Texas Republicans are a conservative lot. Still, it’s difficult to imagine mainstream GOP voters demanding their neighbors be jailed for engaging in a little hanky-panky behind closed doors.
Nevertheless, the state’s Republican party has voted on a platform [PDF link] by which their candidates will stand, and it includes the reinstatement of laws banning sodomy: otherwise known as oral and anal sex.
“We oppose the legalization of sodomy,” the platform states. “We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.”
Let me repeat that: Oral AND Anal!
Now maybe…maybe, you could get away with outlawing anal sex. There’s enough of a taboo attached to it to spook the squares in the Suburbs. But you go after oral sex and sonny jim, you might as well take a crap on an American Eagle and wipe yourself with the Federalist Papers.
Because everyone loves blowjobs.
They’re simple. They’re elegant. They’re less of a hassle than actual intercourse and more personal than a hand job. They’re the perfect gift for any occasion and have probably saved more Cheerleaders from unwanted pregnancies than the morning after pill.
And the Texas GOP wants to put people in jail for it? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
And the GOP is wondering why they’re having trouble attracting younger voters? Most twenty somethings are more concerned with jobs and the environment and aren’t really interested in laws that sound like they’ve been written by blue nosed Rotary Club women who recoil at the mere mention of a titmouse.
(Whew, for a minute there I was afraid wouldn’t be able to squeeze that in.)
I’m now going to throw down a gauntlet to any Texas politician who’s reading this. I dare you to not only denounce this horribly regressive platform but to offer up a spirited defense of blowjobs for all genders and persuasions.
I guarantee that you will become a folk hero, the YouTube video will get millions of views and if you are ever caught getting a blow job from someone other than your wife, you will be gaining votes instead of losing them.
Just remember, When blowjobs are outlawed, only outlaws will have blowjobs!
EDIT (6-30, Added Original Raw Story Link. Added H/T.)